1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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