Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
