I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
