Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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