Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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