youre lurking in front of me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
