this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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