I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
