Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
