Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
