smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I intend to get homeless drunk
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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