you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize