He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Dicks are not precious.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
