I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
