How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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