What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
