i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
