so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
