but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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