I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
