Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Houston, we have a squirter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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