ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
