the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
