yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to sanitize my soul.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
