Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
His hands were made for my vagina.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
