Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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