she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think my vagina is haunted
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
