I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
