"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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