I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
