I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
