We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
