My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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