So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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