...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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