i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
