So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
