Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize