Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
