Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
