remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
sex in a hospital.. check
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
