She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
