I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
