my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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