i just had sex bonerless
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
