She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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