who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
