I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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