I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
