Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
