I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
