There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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