I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
