morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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