Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
