so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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