so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
