I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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