how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
