Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
