i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
