i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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