That's intense
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
