it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
