i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
this hospital has no fireball
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
