new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I just shit out all my problems.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
